Scrambling up to Delta Lake: How I Conquered My Everest

Guest Blogger: Jessie Muhleman

It’s hard to describe all that led up to this but one thing I can say for certain is I am so damn proud of myself! See me beaming!

I have been peeling back layers of conditioning these past few years to find my inner strength and endurance for facing the unknown.

Some of the hardest lessons I’ve had to learn are of acceptance and endurance. When I decided to secure my family’s wellbeing in 2020 through a protection order and filing for divorce, I thought I was prepared to run that 100 yard dash as fast as I could. I would quickly do the thing I’d been fearing and then it’d all be better.

It was a real eye-opener to discover that in fact I was hopping onto my metaphorical Oregon Trail. I wasn’t prepared for the lack of food and water, rattlesnake bites, typhoid fever, cholera, and dysentery but nevertheless here I am still in the motherfucking game. Nevertheless she persisted! I understand this battle cry so much better today.

All of my favorite podcasts and memoirs and social media groups have shown me that the human spirit is miraculously brave when it has to be. If Cheryl Strayed, Michelle Hord, Grandma Gatewood, “Whywomendontleave,” and Rick Nooft’s daughters can do hard things, so can I.

I am endlessly grateful for courageous people who risk vulnerability to share their experiences of heartache and triumph. Knowing the messy parts of others’ lives, and seeing them thrive in the aftermath of their greatest challenges, helps me remember I’m part of a badass human family. I now believe we all have this unbelievably deep well of courage inside of us. Not everyone is willing to search for the key to unlock their well, but those who endure that brutal and exhausting search, discover freedom that is beyond words.

So this week when Hazel saw this epic hike on TikTok (Seriously, this one begins with “One time on TikTok?!?!”) I started to ponder whether or not I could pull it off. The kids were so excited; I didn’t want to reveal the depth of my fear on this one. Although judging by my white-knuckle drives over the pass between Jackson and Victor, I think they had a little insight into my fear of heights.

As many trauma survivors do, my overanalyzing ways kicked into high gear, researching everything I could about this unmaintained trail in a classic attempt to gain control of the unknown. I interviewed every local I met during the week about my chances up to Delta, and I got a wide range of responses. “Karen” at the consignment gear store shamed me for asking about poles and gave terrible, fear-inducing advice on how much water to pack. The tipping point came from our guide on our Snake River trip. She said, “F that Karen. Silence that station and tune into this one: you can wine down tonight and even pack a celebration drink for the summit!” She reminded me of my inner badass and helped me fully commit to doing the most challenging hike I had been fearing.

I cannot believe I actually conquered the Delta Lake hike—-it feels amazing! It was a spiritual rebirth. We hiked 9 miles, with an elevation gain of 2300 feet in the Grand Teton National Park. We scrambled an insane boulder field with snow, and the final push was a steep incline on loose gravel and dirt, finishing 9000 ft at the jaw dropping Delta Lake. This was my Everest!

If you don’t know what it means to scramble, don’t worry, I honestly didn’t fully understand it until the hike. Scramble; to make one’s way quickly or awkwardly up a steep slope or over rough ground by using one’s hands as well as one’s feet. In this case emphasize steep and awkwardly, subtract quickly because…9000 feet.

I got into a hyper-focused zone only addressing one move at a time to overcome my intense fear of heights and to do what I had to do to summit. The significance is not lost on me that at my most vulnerable moment I had to strip my heavy backpack and my son, Jude, lovingly carried it along with his as we clawed our way to the top. My kids have courage and love deeper than I ever could have imagined. Cue the music: Ain’t No Mountain High Enough!

I am confident that was the most challenging experience in my life to date. I’m grateful I put myself in this situation where absolutely no one could get me through but myself. I also now realize that my fear of heights will probably never go away; I will hopefully get more and more trusting of my skills to face that intense fear when I need to. And I hope that lesson extends to all my other fears as well.

This vacation is the most redemptive experience and to share it with four beautiful, young souls was one of the greatest joys of my life! Now there is a bookmark in my life story: all things before the Delta scramble and life after.

It’s going to be the dogeared page in my “read this at my funeral notebook.” And Victoria, a celebratory White Claw at the top would have meant certain death, but I totally appreciate the “girl you’ve got this” hype up. The world needs more cheerleaders like Vic.

Oh and there were bears to pass on the way too!