Hold On Tight
Life has been a little chaotic recently, and I’ve had a hard time organizing my thoughts and sentiments about this past summer and what the year ahead brings for our family.
But then several things all happened at the same time, and I finally shed some tears privately as I went on a walk on a beautiful morning on the first day of school. So, I think that tells me how I am reacting to it all……
What prompted those tears?
Well, Jack had his senior year photos taken, Kate got her driver’s temp license and had her first job interview, and Connor started middle school.
All within 48 hours.
Time is going by so fast, my friends, and I am not sure how to hold on tight. To the time or to the experience or to our precious children. I drove by a playground midmorning yesterday and was envious of the young moms with their toddlers and coffee and casual conversation.
I had no idea just how fast the time went when I was in their spot about 12 years ago.
Yes – it does bring my own aging and phase of life to feel under a microscopic view. But it more brings into focus these pivotal years ahead and what I hope our children have felt, learned, and know as they grow and become young adults.
The tears are bittersweet. Joyful that they are here and healthy and happy and whole and doing exactly what is expected of them at this phase of life. But there is a tinge of grief over the passage of time and that I can’t hold onto it all enough.
I am not built to sink into sorrow or let the tears shed all the time. I do want to share with all of you the messages I write to our children as we enter this next chapter together. These are in no order of importance but do come with a summer’s worth of reflection and a tremendous amount of love and pride.
What I Want You to Know as the Real World Is Around the Corner:
- You are loved and cherished by many people in your life – across generations, miles, and your blended families. Your village of support includes friends, too. And we will always be here for you to help you along your way in life. That network is mighty and wide and real. Lean on it whenever you need it.
- There will never be a mistake so big that you can’t come talk to me. Ever. No matter what it is – I want to be there for you and will do my best to work through it all. I won’t handle it perfectly and I will make mistakes, too. Put it on a post it note, or type it in a text, or send a meme. It doesn’t matter the format. Just know that I will show up and help as best I can.
- For the rest of your life, the only person that you need validation from is YOURSELF. No one else. It is impossible to meet the expectations of everyone that matters to you, so try your best to accept that now. Your happiness and self-esteem ultimately come from how you perceive yourself and how you structure your life and who you choose to have close to you. Take it from me that this is so important. It took me too long to know this and live it.
- I am your mom – so I have visions of what the future holds for each one of you. It is based on instinct and how I perceive you and your strengths and weaknesses. But DO NOT make your life decisions based on what you think I want you to do. This is your life to live – not mine. That includes all things like where you live, what college you go to, and what professions you chose. Since you were little, all I have ever wanted is for you to be HAPPY. That is what matters most.
- Be careful who you select as your closest friends. These are the years that create some of the tightest bonds with others because of the experiences you have. Big things happen, and you want people around you who want the best for you and are willing to show up for you even when it is hard. And that you feel safe with and can trust.
- Stretch yourself and don’t be afraid to fail. Take the hard classes and try out for the sports or activity that most interest you. Go for the job you want. This is the phase of life when you can safely land if things don’t entirely work out. See #2 – so go push yourself.
- Whenever possible, please travel. Dayton is a great place to grow up and it is comfortable to know so many people and see familiar faces wherever we go. I know it is a special place. But it is so small comparatively to the rest of the world. Go see how big the world really is!
- Make space for your family and friends in your life. Always – see #1.
- Remember that you have one another. And your cousins. My brothers and sisters-in-laws and brother-in-law and cousins are my tightest friends and supporters, especially when crap happens. And crap will happen, and that is ok. If you are more comfortable asking for help from one another or one of your great cousins, then please do so. You have been raised to value family and each other tremendously. So please do that throughout your life.
- I am going to be a little frantic over these years moving forward to be sure you have gotten as much of me and your experiences in our home as possible. Rationally, I know it has all been enough and is enough and will be enough. But my heart is wanting to make double sure so that you know how privileged I have felt to be your mom and watch the people you are becoming.
FBF readers – thanks for holding on tight if you have kept reading to this point.
And to helping guide all of us parents as we figure out this young adult/teenager years ahead.