Words (Perhaps of Wisdom) for International Women’s Day 2021
Current state of the world aside, the universe continues to deliver important messages. Or at least that is how I like to look at it, and I find solace in not only those messages being sent, but being open to hearing and understanding them.
I have recently faced some hard truths about what I suspect is gender based perspectives in our household. I have been observing our children, and notice a profound difference between my two sons and daughter. My sons – while motivated and respectful – do not care about making other people happy in their choices day to day. But my daughter puts a tremendous amount of pressure on herself to to do everything perfectly and make everyone happy. Objectively, I know it is a mix of nature, nurture, personality, birth order and gender.
That being said, have I unwittingly set an example that shaped my daughter to live that way? I suspect that I have, and my oldest son called me out on it. It took me over 35 years to know that if you try so hard to do everything in life perfectly, and make everyone else happy, you make yourself unhappy in small or big ways. And that causes damage in small or big ways that is sometimes hard to unwind. And your own self can sometimes become deeply lost.
As I face these truths and address them with open family conversations, I also reflect on where we are with all things gender and equality related on International Women’s Day. I sometimes feel less hopeful than I would like as to where we are as a society with equality, and there are so many opportunities to improve, including in our own homes.
I felt inspired to share some words (perhaps of wisdom) with our Flawed but Fearless community – to remind us of who we are, where we are going, and how we get there.
- For anyone who needs to hear this – you are incredible just as you are. No one expects perfection, and every human being makes mistakes or needs help. Ask for help when you need it – lean on your people and keep trying to find all the amazing things that make you who you are. Try to not be so hard on yourself. The same to do list will be there tomorrow or the next day. It is ok to not get it all done.
- Find your people – or as I call it, my tribe. This past year has taught me – both beautifully and brutally – just exactly who my primary people are in my daily life. I am learning that my tribe shifts at times and opens to others when needed. My tribe is diverse and depends on the day and sometimes exact moment and what may be needed. I firmly believe that behind every successful woman is a tribe of other successful women who have her back.
- If you need help finding your people, then ask one of us with FBF and we will make it happen.
- To expand on the tribe further, I have no idea how I would have survived this past year “as well” as I have without my female friends. You each matter to me so tremendously, and thank you for always showing up. It is not always easy to do, but it is one of the greatest gifts we can ever give one another.
- Let’s do our best to build one another up. If you find your interactions with someone to be depleting, then perhaps take a little space and time away from one another.
- This is your life, and no one else’s. Make the most of it, and stop worrying what everyone else thinks.
- We need to remind ourselves and our children that we have choices. Some are massive and life changing. Others are as simply focused as choosing how we react to other people and negativity around us. Believe in yourself, and trust your instincts.
- Being vulnerable is one of the hardest and scariest things in life. Or at least it has been for me. But the reward of expressing how you really feel – with someone who really cares – far outweighs the risk.
- Love big. As big as you can, and demonstrate that love as often as possible. My husband shared recently that I helped all of us get through the last year – with all its joys and tribulations and messes – with the enormous love that I have for our family. I’m not sure he could ever give me a better compliment.
- Read these two powerful books. Trust me on the recommendations. “Untamed” by Glennon Doyle and “Dare to Lead” by Brene Brown.
I am choosing to take this list as my personal challenge, with the intent to embrace and adhere to these words as often as possible. Feel free to join me!
#ChooseToChallenge
#IWD2021