Hearing and Accepting “I Told You So” From My Deceased Husband – by Nina Gervase

GUEST POST BY OUR REPEAT FBF BLOGGER – NINA GERVASE

Ok ok… let me start by saying that Steve, my late husband, was not really the “told you so” kind of guy… I definitely don’t want people to have that image of him. I was always the one more likely to have said that in our relationship, but right now, I laugh a little thinking that he’s saying it (and perhaps he’s enjoying it a little bit too).  So try to read this story with a bit of a smile on your face, because hearing “I told you so” isn’t always such a bad thing.

My dearest Steve,

You were right.  There.  I said it.  And I know you’re loving it.  Go ahead and bask in the glory of being right.  And while you’re at it, enjoy this also… I now consider you my personal bodhisattva.  Wow… the sun just shone a little brighter when I wrote that so I know you’re enjoying it!

You were truly enlightened well beyond your years and at such a young age.  I always admired your persistent journaling, even at your most difficult moments in life.  When you were diagnosed with the cancerous brain tumor, you made an unstoppable decree not to let any negative people or thoughts enter your life so that you could only focus on the positive for your health. I love going back and reading some of those journal entries (the ones that I can read of course, because of your handwriting! HA!)  Sometimes I find a journal that I forgot about and it has a nugget of wisdom in it that I needed at that exact moment. It brings me so close to you… like you’re here saying the words to me because you know I need it. (And, of course, I cry and smile at the same time… such is widowhood.)  Thank you for writing those and leaving them for me and the kids to cherish.

I remember when you really began to meditate, learn about chakras and focus on affirmations.  Honestly, I didn’t understand it all and thought you were wasting your time a bit. I mean, I was drawn to it for sure… I wanted to learn more but I felt like my life was too busy (two very small children and a sick husband) and out of control (balancing work, small kids and all of your doctor’s appointments) for me to learn about it. I just didn’t have the bandwidth to add anything more in my life (or so I thought).  But you insisted on being up early each morning so that you could “greet the sun” in meditation on our screened porch. You had candles, special music, books.  I was envious of your determination and focus because I just didn’t have the time for it like you did (or so I thought.)  I wasn’t always that supportive because I wanted you to spend that time helping me around the house or having quality time with the kids.  But you understood the necessity of it all… of making time to meditate, the power of journaling, the change that certain vibrations/frequencies can have on your body.  You knew that staying positive was helping you to fight the beast growing within you and giving you the strength and energy to face each day.  I’ll say it again, you were enlightened and I just didn’t get it then like I do now.

Fast forward 9 years after you left us and what am I doing? Listening to every podcast that I can about meditation, happiness, mindfulness, chakras, healthy eating… you name it and I’m addicted.  I’m pretty sure that the kids are sick of hearing the podcasts while I’m cooking or doing things around the house. (Sure I could put in my airpods, but then I wouldn’t be influencing them in little ways, right?) I keep numerous journals – one completely dedicated to affirmations. I think of you each time I hear of a new podcast and know how much you would have loved it. I cry and smile each time I write a new affirmation as I think of how yours carried you through the toughest of times. I look to you for inspiration to get up early to make real changes in my life, because guess what… it’s not like I have the time now (although clearly I have less on my plate than back then), but I’m making the time just like you used to do. I’m realizing how important it is to pause, be more mindful, savor the moments and live with more peace (that last one I’m still working on). Steve, I’m trying to model myself after you.  You were right all those years ago and I feel like you’re guiding me to be a better me now.  You were my example then and still today.  I don’t know anyone else who sacrificed so much, worked so hard to be so strong and did it all so that he could be present for his family.  Thank you for all of that.

But listen, no matter how right you were, I’ll never be a Tony Robbins fan… sorry babe but I’m just not going there and you know it.

So with every journal entry that I write, with every podcast that I listen to, with every mindful moment that I spend, I want you to know that I think of you and I like to imagine that you are here with me. Be as smug as you want about being right because it is one of the best gifts that you have given me… teaching me today with your wisdom and example from so long ago.

With all my love always,

Nina

See my friends, sometimes it’s ok to hear “I told you so” because it leads us to be a better person. We can find gratitude in receiving that phrase and hopefully we can lead a life that will inspire others to someday say… “hey, they were right after all!” I just wish I would have shared this moment with my husband in life rather than in spirit.  Embrace life and your loved ones and take no moment for granted. Live, learn, love and pass that on.