Embracing our Inner Power

Anyone else think that this month has been crappy and never-ending?

We have 1.5 days left in January, and I can’t wait to see it go.

Nothing irreparably horrible has happened to me. But every week has brought yucky stuff and I’ve had enough.

However, there has been a bright spot that is worthy of sharing with our FBF community.

One of the greatest joys in my life has been the evolution of my relationship with my children. It ebbs and flows as they age, and in really beautiful ways. Their hurts are harder because I can’t fix everything with a hug and maybe a band-aid like I could when they were little.

What has recently astounded me, though, is that I am learning life advice and lessons from them. Every week, there is a night when we organically all end up in the same room and talk. Sometimes the topics are funny. Sometimes it is just general routine catch-ups with one another. And sometimes we get into hard conversations and try to listen and help one another. It is all shared openly and honestly. The mature reactions from Jack and Kate in particular have opened the door for me to share (age appropriate) things that trouble me with them, and it has created a fantastic and helpful dialogue for all of us.

Last week, I told them how hurt I was by a long-time friend ignoring me in public but acknowledging everyone else that was with me. I think I know why, but it doesn’t make a lot of sense to me, and while I’d like to pretend that it doesn’t bother me, it does and it hurts.

Kate looked at me and said, “Mom – you can’t give people the power to make you feel bad. You need to use your own power to ignore them and not let them hurt you. Harrison told me that a long time ago, and you have told me that too. You have the power to not get upset by other people like that. Follow your own advice.” (Side note – Harrison is the amazing child care provider that my children were lucky enough to have in their lives for years, and she just might be the best person in the universe)

So, yeah. My daughter is repeating back to me invaluable life advice that is so important, and reminded me of who I am and the inner power that we all have to choose our own reactions to life.

Regardless of what life throws at us, we have the power to choose whether we will cope well or not. Be angry, sad, despondent and funky.

OR

Rise above and take the high road and do our best to get through with poise and grace.

It is delusional to think that we won’t feel sad or angry at times. But we do have the inner power to not carry it around and let it dictate how we deal with our day to day trials and tribulations. It is a lot of wasted energy to carry anger and negativity around.

Kate turns 13 in a few days, and I am astounded by her self-assurance and wisdom. She can make herself vulnerable and communicate her challenges, but then lean hard on the people in her life who have taught her how to cope well. I glimpse the young woman that she is on the horizon of becoming, and it can bring me to tears of joy and pride. I will hang tight to this rapport that we share, and I look forward to all of the life advice that she will continue to give me for (hopefully) many decades to come.

Also, to help us navigate life, here are my new mantras for nurturing our inner power.

1. Be kind, patient and strong whenever possible, even when it feels hard.
2. Be human and ask for help more. Quite honestly, I am exceptionally bad at this and I don’t entirely know why. But articulating what we need and why from our dear ones and tribes will only help us all be better equipped to tackle this thing called life.
3. Accept that some people are just crazy. Not many – but some are. Some people are crazy in ways that are hard to fathom. But that isn’t about me or you or anything that is important. Create space and boundaries, accept and move on.
4. Embrace honesty and transparency whenever possible. Other people’s perceptions of us are irrelevant. We only live one short life, and being our authentic selves will help us get the most out of it.
5. Create moments and experiences that are quiet from the noise of our over-informed worlds where we really connect. It matters much to sit and talk and laugh with family and friends. Especially that laughing part.
6. Always think of the good. Man oh man – there is so much good to appreciate and realize. And I will perpetually believe that there are more good people in the world than bad.
7. Self-care or whatever the new buzz word is. Sleep more, exercise often, do some yoga, read books and apply that rule about moderation in food and drink. I am not good for anyone or anything else in my life if I am not whole and good myself.

Life is always going to happen around us. But we have the inner power to believe that the best is yet to come.

Xoxo