The Future is Female (And Frankly – so is the Present)

I have had this type of blog written in my head in a few different iterations for years. And the timing never feels quite right to share. But considering current events , I don’t think that there is going to be an ideal time to start this dialogue. And my beautiful and wise friend, Deb, already started the dialogue for us.

So here goes.

I went to college thinking that I could do anything. My parents raised me well. Encouraged me to be smart and succeed. And I wanted to figure out how to be like both of them and “have it all”. A successful career and a life rich with meaningful family relationships.

But reality hit hard once I was out in the real world. I’ll never claim to have endured great tragedies or suffered mightily. However, the inappropriate behaviors in the workplace started quickly.

During my first meeting as a Product Manager at NCR, I was mistaken to be the secretary and was given an order for coffee and told to make copies. I remember being so proud of getting that job right out of college, and I had no life experience or confidence to push back appropriately at that time. But it started to chip away at my view that equal opportunity existed in the world. And it didn’t stop. Including being sexually harassed by my manager when I was 24 years old. And I began my career when strip clubs were considered fun for client outings. And there was a legendary executive who at major industry events started calling the rooms of female employees until he found a companion for the evening.

Or the conundrum of maternity leaves.

Or finding a mentor that really understands the challenges of wanting to have it all…

No one teaches anyone the right tools to deal with that, and we still don’t.

Connecting to current events, and Deb’s blog mirrored my view on the Kavanaugh situation and debate.

When Kavanaugh was announced as a candidate, I sighed loudly. Really? Another middle aged, Caucasian man to hold a seat in our highest court? And one like him?

To be truthful, I had a visceral reaction to watching Kavanaugh’s testimony.

I am all too familiar of sitting across from that kind of anger. And it is an anger rooted in thinking that he is far superior to everyone around him, especially the women. It hit a nerve of the public persona of some powerful men. A public image of perfection, intellect, and chaste behavior on all levels. And then the private issues of anger, dominance and control that permeate how that type of male interacts with his family and colleagues. They typically were bullies as children, and, somehow, they never outgrew that.

Friends – that kind of a person is not fixable. And nor would he do anything to help the female causes relevant in today’s world. Because women simply don’t matter to a man like that….

I am really, really tired – to the bone weary – of some of the burden that comes with being female.

And I think one of the root causes of those challenges is women working against one another and not for one another. How will we ever be seen as an equal gender when we don’t even look at each other without being judgmental and unkind? We should be supporting and promoting one another in order to shift universal perceptions. Caucasian and senior men will rule the world (and in every facet) until women start to evolve.

We don’t all have to be the same.

But we do need to find a path to embrace all that is good about being female. And for our own present experiences, and even more importantly, for our daughters and their futures.