Flawed, Fearless, and Living in the Present Moment

Well, I’ve been avoiding this post for a while now. I think something about sharing my thoughts on the internet in more than 200 characters is a bit intimidating for this 20-something. But better late than never? Hello blog-world, let’s do this!

So.

What would you do if you knew that the universe is always here to support you? Is always surrounding you with love, ready to guide you into alignment with your soul?

Some days, I know these things completely and I am free of fear. Other days, I read words like these and want to weep. For the possibility. For all of the love I fail to receive. Or give. For the infinite traumas in this world that build up our armor, our isolation.

Remembering and forgetting my wholeness and connection, remembering and forgetting. I wonder if this pattern will persist for the rest of this lifetime, is just part of being human (See: Buddhism, life is suffering). Like many of us in this world, I am constantly “working” on myself, “trying” to evolve, etc.

The rat race for self-improvement! If I just push a little harder, I’ll find that peace right around the corner! It’s at the end of that yoga class, underneath my forgiveness of that friend, in-between my morning meditation and adjustment to a cleaner diet! When I step back and look at these beliefs, I have to laugh at how misguided they are. Joy lies not at the end of effort, but in complete alignment and acceptance of the present moment. A choice we must make over and over again.

So what does “flawed but fearless” mean to me? Well, I am often with fear. And I believe that fear comes from forgetting that I am already whole, already part and parcel of all of creation. The moment I lose that fear, the moment the concept of flawed disappears, or at the very least becomes a separate part of me that I hold in love and compassion and knowingness, as I would hold a child.

“What I am really saying is that you don’t need to do anything, because if you see yourself in the correct way, you are all as much extraordinary phenomenon of nature as trees, clouds, the patterns in running water, the flickering of fire, the arrangement of the stars, and the form of a galaxy. You are all just like that, and there is nothing wrong with you at all.” – Alan Watts