When They Go Low….

At my daughter’s parent-teacher conference in kindergarten, I learned an interesting character trait about her that I had thought was simply shyness during her toddler years.

Her teacher shared that Kate spent the first two weeks of school primarily sticking to herself, and observed everyone in the classroom, especially the girls. And that Kate determined on her own who the “mean girls” were (yes – they exist at the age of 5), steered clear of them, and opted to become friends with two of the nicest girls in the class.

So Kate wasn’t (and isn’t) really shy. She is just highly selective as to who she lets into her circle.

Because the circle of Kate is awesome and she knows that. Plus, she has no tolerance for drama and inconsistency from people that she cares about. And the good news is that she continues to focus on this model of selectivity and is even more confident about herself now than she was then.

If only we could bottle that all up and sell it, right?

Because oh what I wish that I had this ability in my past and present. And also future.

Mean people exist in EVERY SINGLE phase of life. And in pretty much every environment.

At work.

In some of our interpersonal relationships.

With our kids’ experiences in life.

And even in line at the grocery store.

But here is my new view of mean people and how to handle them.

Ultimately, mean people are actually just profoundly unhappy and need to take it out on others. Or wildly unsatisfied. Or some mixture of both. But they lack the coping skills and ability to take accountability, and need someone else to blame for their issues and miseries. And I think that unkindness is learned behavior, and as humans, we mirror the people around us. So be mindful of your inner circle and also the example that you set.

If you want to be mean, then have at it. But the petty and unkind behavior does a few things. It ends up painting the mean person in the worst light possible. And while we can forgive and move forward, communication is, ultimately, irreversible.

I don’t know if I have any words of wisdom for the challenging people in our lives – but here goes.

Be kind.

Be patient.

Don’t engage.

Anger takes more energy than you would like. Channel that energy on better things than reacting to small and petty comments and actions.

I also have learned that the less you respond to negative people, the more peaceful your own daily life will become.

And – regardless of your political affiliation – listen to Michelle Obama’s advice on this one. You won’t ever regret taking the high road.