The Moment I Freaked Out over a Coffee Cup

When my ex-husband called me to tell me that he was engaged, I felt happy. Which some people might not believe. But I truly did. At the end of our marriage, he acknowledged that he needed someone different from me. And his wife-to-be sounded like she was that for him. And despite what occurred between us, I never wanted for him to spend the rest of his life alone.

So, ignoring judgment from others, I faced his re-marriage without fear or anger or sadness. I myself was already quite happily re-married, and there is a unique and precious joy to my new life. I welcomed the chance to meet his fiancée for lunch, learn more about her, and also have a sense for what she would be like as a step-mom to my kids. I again felt optimistic and that she would be a positive influence in their lives.

Over time, I will share more about this awkward and sometimes awful and sometimes horrible dance that occurs with exs and steps and everything in between. But my initial perspective was to be trusting and optimistic.

But amidst all of this change, a coffee cup brought me almost to my knees. I was picking up my daughter from summer dance camp, and her new step-mom was also there picking up her own daughter. And she was carrying a coffee cup.
My coffee cup.
That I had for almost 10 years before I moved out of my old house.
And that simple sighting gutted me.
I felt sucker punched. And then realized that because I left pretty much everything in my old house, this likable woman was basically living among and within a lot of my old possessions. And it felt like another layer of grief. A strong and random reminder of all that was lost when my first marriage fell apart, and all that has changed, and the new reality that we are all trying to navigate together.
I said nothing. And smiled, and moved forward through my day. I have shared my feelings on this simple encounter with a coffee cup – of all things! – with just a few friends. I am unsure as to why that one item in that one moment signified so much. But it was a gentle reminder from the universe of what simple objects can actually represent…